Dating the Visually Impaired

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I always assumed online dating was an admission of failure. Little has changed over time. Then I bit the bullet and signed up with eHarmony. I really like OkCupid's ability to match you with someone based on criteria you set.

So feel free to begin a discussion, pose a question, offer your feedback, and start connecting with other local singles right now! I was even engaged but he then he broke it off. Never done it myself, because my one foray into the field, over a decade ago, had E-Harmony sending 'OMG YOU HEATHEN' notices for months after I filled out their questionnaire.

About Us

I have to say my experience was pretty good, as I am engaged to the 4th man I met through okCupid. I really like OkCupid's ability to match you with someone based on criteria you set. I did have one glitch with online dating, though. In an introductory email, I told this guy that I am a psychologist. He replied that he was a paranoid schizophrenic. I thought he was kidding. Turns out not so much. I'll share my most recent one, which was about two years ago. I dated a girl who had borderline personality disorder BPD. One minute she would be Jekyll, and the next minute she would be Hyde. I only dated her for about a month, and I have to say that it was the most exhausting month of my life. However, I met my current girlfriend through her. It's funny because I caught myself checking her out when I was dating the BPD girl. Online dating never worked for me. I've met too many crazies. I was only on it for a week or two. Then I bit the bullet and signed up with eHarmony. I had one date with another nice guy who wasn't my cup of tea, a date in which neither of us liked the other, a date with a guy who I hung out with a few more times... My OKCupid find just wandered into the bedroom of our new apartment and offered to make me breakfast and a cup of coffee... I approached it systematically, sending messages daily and arranging 3-6 dates a week. In my thinking, the more people you meet, the more likely that one of them is likely to be a compatible partner. I think it's also important with online dates to avoid placing too much hope in any one person until you've had some time to get to know them, and it's easier to do that when you have a lot of balls in the air. It was sometimes exhausting, but sometimes you have to just keep on at it. I found my guy within two months, but of course a lot of that is just luck. I met my boyfriend on Match. There were a few interesting experiences on Match before I met my boyfriend: One nice but boring guy who I went out with a few times before we decided it wasn't going anywhere. A handful of guys who I emailed regularly but never actually met. One guy who I tried to meet in person but he had to cancel once, I had to cancel the next time, and we never tried the third time. One guy who wanted me to move in with him and raise his kids before we had even met. Modern Master, I'd encourage you to keep trying. You just never know. Gotta kiss a few frogs sometimes. I've only ever had horrible experiences with it that have never made any sense to me. I do so well when I meet people the old fashioned way and had utterly no luck with traditional online dating sites. I've actually tried a few casual sex sites and been so annoyed that women looking for meaningless sex are so much better at having an online conversation than supposedly normal women on regular sites are. Since I never really have had a problem meeting women off-line I decided to swear it off forever. For what it's worth, I acknowledge my experience is atypical. I went on Match. Was on for a little more than a month. Had a few contacts that went nowhere. Then went on one date. Seemed to hit it off. It was her first Match date too. We have been dating for about 2 years now and I don't plan on dating anyone else ever. I'm a guy btw. I think the experiences will be different between men and women. If you're very picky like I am, the online sites are very effective in eliminating whole categories of women you're never going to get along with. I've advertised myself as being extremely intolerant of pets, religion, children under 18, women from New Jersey, women who don't appreciate modern art, women who don't drive, Republicans, and several other qualities, and so I've gotten few inquiries from women in these categories. I met men who were technically okay, that is, good looking, smart and kind, but there was no real connection in person. I met one guy who was so effing funny fwiw, the fastest way to make me like you is to be hilarious that I was looking forward to our date --and I never look forward to online dates-- yet face to face, whatever chemistry we had via e-mail had evaporated in person. I really don't get what people have against meeting people in real life. I hate to seem like your grandmother with her Jitterbug cell phone, yelling about how in the old days the trolley used to cost a nickel, but can't we agree that in-person chemistry matters 100x more than some website's compatibility score or if you have the same favorite bands in common? None of that shit actually matters when it comes down to how you feel about each other when you're having actual face time. My current boy I met in person, and it was easy to know if I'd like him by hanging out, because I met him by hanging out. Met one nice woman, got together with her twice, fun but nothing more due at least partly to distance. Met another extremely nice woman and am utterly besotted, and she with me. Only 7 months so far, but I'm anticipating it being much longer. I still find it amazing that a dating site was able to match me with someone so right. I always assumed online dating was an admission of failure. I recoiled when others suggested it. I actually had no idea it wasn't stigmatized. I eventually gave it a try, because I was sick of being dateless for years at a time. I was sorely disappointed when I sent out a bunch of messages to women, and got no responses. They often looked at my profile, and decided not to respond. Eventually I rewrote my profile, and I've at least gotten better responses and a handful of dates that way. I'm trying to date online again, because I'm once again single after a loving relationship ended due to her desire to possibly rear a child she's 32 and my staunch unwillingness to do so. So, I'm back to OKCupid. I want to conclude and not for the first time that I'm just not very appealing, but my recent lover, among others, disagrees vehemently. It takes a great deal of effort to just get one date online, but even that's more efficient than offline. The jury is still out. And with that, I'm going over to OK Cupid. It's pretty fun, I guess. I like being able to quickly winnow out the dealbreakers that it normally would take a few dates to find out, but on the other hand, as people have said above, the chemistry's elusive. At least it has been for me as well. As an aside, though, a lot of women look nothing like their photos. That's not accusatory; if that's her best photo and it's recent, well, she's gotta pick it. I'm just amazed at how it happens. He picked up a first date, and she wanted to run to the store. Nice guy, he said sure. Parked and stayed in the car, so as not to get trapped into buying her groceries. AN HOUR later, she come out with a whole cart load of stuff, and now he needs to take her home, haul it up to her second story apt. Now apparently, she was ready to go out. Luckily for me, he wasn't I've only ever met dudes online, starting back when I was 15 through BBSes , which was 18 years ago. I've dated lots of guys and had a lot of fun and had a lot of heartbreak. I'm still not married but I'd suspect that's a function of me, not the nature of how I meet people. Used to be a lot easier to find guys online when it was just us nerds on the personals sites. Now that it's all mainstream and there are cute and fun people on the online dating sites, I no longer rise to the top Plus I'm old. The people on the other end of online profiles are just people. Met my wife on Match a little over ten years ago. Before meeting her, there were lots of fun dates, a few boring ones, and a small handful of crazies. Little has changed over time. For a few years now we've been on swinglifestyle, AFF, and SDC--and had a ton of fun, a few boring evenings, and a handful of crazies. There are differences dating as a couple duh , but for the most part it will seem familiar: no no no no no maybe no no yes maybe no NO yes no NO no YES no.... But it's been worth it by far, and doing things together means even lame nights are worth at least a laugh. We'd only been on Match before we met don't think OKC was even out yet. Have people here had experience on both at the same time? There is a sizeable difference between the three we're on now. There's some overlap, but for example SLS attracts a more mellow crowd; AFF a raunchier set. Anybody on both Match and OKC or others? Do the people seem different? I met my current wife on OK Cupid. If I were religious, I'd thank God every day for her. Before her, I just had mixed experiences, good, bad, crazy, etc.. I tried all the major sites, for several years. My best success came with the old Yahoo Personals all my favorite exes are from yahoo personals and, of course, OK Cupid. There was definitely a reason that the girls I met on a personal site were using it. I have been much more successful at letting relationships form naturally. Dating sites have nothing to do with forming relationships. They're all about introductions: full stop. Dating sites are for meeting people that are outside your normal day-to-day contacts. What happens after that is up to you. Craigslist: A whole bunch of responses from people who clearly just email everyone a misspelled line or two, regardless of you specifically saying not to do that and them not fitting anything about your stated criteria. Several that sounded promising and I emailed with some but ultimately balked at meeting them. So who did I pick to meet? The super cute one. It turned out exactly like the guys I normally met at clubs and stuff. We hung out for a while but we didn't have anything in common. Messaged with several but then... Wasn't feeling it for one reason or another, except with one, who was great. Smart, funny, nice-looking, well-off doctor with similar values to me. So I got scared and ran away. And there were like 0 black guys on eHarmony in my area most I talked to were Asian , and try as I might, I just can't get interested in a nonblack guy. But that wasn't eHarmony's fault presumably it's my dad's fault or something. You can meet any type of person online these days. Marriage-minded, trifling loser, or anything in between. Plentyoffish - lots of illiterate neds, a couple of ex's, and one decent sounding guy who was a doctor, but sadly still living with his ex and got weirdly jealous, accusing me of seeing multiple guys before I'd ever even met him thank goodness! OKCupid - a couple more ex's, one guy who sounded great online, but was a creepy drooling vacant eyed oddity in real life, and thankfully, a rather nice guy who was a friend-of-friends that I've now been seeing for nearly 6 months As always, I'll recommend you check out the online dating thread - it helped me. Dating sites have nothing to do with forming relationships. They're all about introductions: full stop. Dating sites are for meeting people that are outside your normal day-to-day contacts. What happens after that is up to you. This describes 100% of my OK Cupid experiences, minus the good conversation part. I met men who were technically okay, that is, good looking, smart and kind, but there was no real connection in person. I met one guy who was so effing funny fwiw, the fastest way to make me like you is to be hilarious that I was looking forward to our date --and I never look forward to online dates-- yet face to face, whatever chemistry we had via e-mail had evaporated in person. I really don't get what people have against meeting people in real life. I hate to seem like your grandmother with her Jitterbug cell phone, yelling about how in the old days the trolley used to cost a nickel, but can't we agree that in-person chemistry matters 100x more than some website's compatibility score or if you have the same favorite bands in common? None of that shit actually matters when it comes down to how you feel about each other when you're having actual face time. My current boy I met in person, and it was easy to know if I'd like him by hanging out, because I met him by hanging out. To be fair, you are a hot chick so I'm sure it's not that hard to meet people. When my 15 relationship was over I found I had no social circle to meet people. I've always been ok with sealing the deal with someone I get to know. I'm not a smooth pick up line guy who can impress strangers. All my friends were married. Had few single friends. And the ones that were single, no thanks. I had some meaningless encounters but nothing lasting. With the online dating I was able to find someone at the same point in life as me looking for the same things. The rest was up to me. I guess I did ok she is still with me. Hey, I'm a not-not-hot chick and I had well, still have, I'm just not looking to date them a terrible time meeting people. I still don't know how people do it, and I've done everything people tell you to do clubs, classes, etc. This describes 100% of my OK Cupid experiences, minus the good conversation part. I met men who were technically okay, that is, good looking, smart and kind, but there was no real connection in person. I met one guy who was so effing funny fwiw, the fastest way to make me like you is to be hilarious that I was looking forward to our date --and I never look forward to online dates-- yet face to face, whatever chemistry we had via e-mail had evaporated in person. I really don't get what people have against meeting people in real life. I hate to seem like your grandmother with her Jitterbug cell phone, yelling about how in the old days the trolley used to cost a nickel, but can't we agree that in-person chemistry matters 100x more than some website's compatibility score or if you have the same favorite bands in common? None of that shit actually matters when it comes down to how you feel about each other when you're having actual face time. My current boy I met in person, and it was easy to know if I'd like him by hanging out, because I met him by hanging out. Do people have something against meeting in real life? I thought people generally preferred that if they have the opportunity. I used online dating because I'm a lesbian in my thirties, I work alone from home and most of my friends are straight. There simply wasn't much likelihood of me ever meeting a future partner in real life. I would recommend it. You will need a thick skin but it is really just like dating anywhere else. You will meet people you like who aren't into you and people who you aren't into who like you. The closest I came to anything creepy where a few people who found my full name before I had given to them when we were still trading e-mails but that was minor but for the most part everyone I met was normal and interesting in varying degrees. I would recommend it in general and Match in particular. I tried the online dating thing, met a lot of people, many of them interesting, but none of them really progressed anywhere past a couple months or so. All of my relationships longer than that have all come from meeting them in person. I think that's just how it works though. You can find a perfect match on paper, but there's no accounting for whatever constitutes that spark. The only way to know if it is there or not is to meet in person. In several cases, we'd have good conversation in e-mail, IM, text and phone, and be really excited for the date, and even on the date we'd have good conversation, but that's all it was. Now, certainly, online dating is a good way to meet people to have that kind of compatibility with, not wasting time with someone that you might have that spark with but are fundamentally incompatible with in some other way, but then you might get frustrated like I was, rifling through a lot of good matches where it just isn't there. So, it got exhausting because, like I said, we were good matches and I could and would expend the energy getting to know her but completely unable to filter for that aspect without meeting her. However, even when meeting her quickly, having that high level of compatibility in all other ways but let down by not having the spark was just a let down. So it's really just a this or that sort of thing. Meet people in person based on chemistry and then see if you're compatible in other ways or meet people on line that you're compatible with and then see if you've got chemistry. The nice thing about online dating is that it helps people who don't have much opportunity to meet others, like someone who doesn't go out much and works in a field that is heavily their same gender. OTOH, meeting people in person also means you probably at least have something in common in terms of compatibility since you probably met them through a friend or at a place you like to be, though obviously that fails if you met at a generic place like the grocery store. For my part, I'm taking a break from online dating just because it seems like it's quite a bit harder to find someone that I have that spark with than someone I'm otherwise compatible with, so it was just a lot of wasted effort for little reward. I figure I'll be better off searching from the other side for the time being. Meeting up fairly quickly after you start messaging each other helps a lot. If there's no spark, you haven't wasted much time or built your hopes up. A friend of mine is in our social circle because of online dating - she went on a date with my friend Joe, and there was no chemistry, so no relationship potential, but they really got on as friends. There are far worse things to do than spend a few hours in the company of someone you get on with but aren't attracted to. You will need a thick skin but it is really just like dating anywhere else. This is the most true statement here. As long as you're not being a nut and having the attitude that since you're paying X dollars a month, you're owed a significant other, and then get pissy when you don't find one, you'll be fine. I always viewed it as one more way to meet women, along with going out with friends, social events, professional events, etc... In that capacity, it's great. I'll add one thing- your profile is essentially an advertisement for you. Don't talk about what you don't like, or won't date, or all that negative BS. Just talk about what you do want to do and what you do like. Also, put pictures up. Nothing would make me deep-six a wink faster than no photo, or someone whose profile went on and on about what they don't like or what they require in others. I don't quite get the idea that you have less of a chance of a spark with someone you meet online. It's no different than meeting someone elsewhere. Except when you are meet someone at a bar, work, meeting grocery store you have no idea what there status is, if they want to date, if they find you remotely attractive, if they like cats. If its a stranger your only recourse is to try to strike up a conversation with someone out of the blue. Someone who might think you are a creep just for approaching them. Unless you are Channing Tatum. At least when you meet someone through a site you know they have seen your picture and weren't repulsed, they are single and want to date. So you get to skip a bunch of steps which are just a waste of time. Everything else is up to you. It only takes one. I don't quite get the idea that you have less of a chance of a spark with someone you meet online. It's no different than meeting someone elsewhere. Except when you are meet someone at a bar, work, meeting grocery store you have no idea what there status is, if they want to date, if they find you remotely attractive, if they like cats. If its a stranger your only recourse is to try to strike up a conversation with someone out of the blue. Someone who might think you are a creep just for approaching them. Unless you are Channing Tatum. At least when you meet someone through a site you know they have seen your picture and weren't repulsed, they are single and want to date. So you get to skip a bunch of steps which are just a waste of time. Everything else is up to you. It only takes one. Never done it myself, because my one foray into the field, over a decade ago, had E-Harmony sending 'OMG YOU HEATHEN' notices for months after I filled out their questionnaire. Friends at the time also got the same reaction, so we figured online dating was for Christian folk. Recently married someone I met online 8 years ago, but organically: through video games, as the gods intended. My problem is that in my experience it's been an inexplicably horrible way to meet new people. I always assume that the women get so many messages they don't feel they need to put any effort into communicating with any one guy. That sounds like negative and nasty outlook, but the alternative is that they're genuinely trying and are just awful. I really don't get it, although I don't think it's worth trying to get either. I always assume that the women get so many messages they don't feel they need to put any effort into communicating with any one guy. That sounds like negative and nasty outlook, but the alternative is that they're genuinely trying and are just awful. As a woman, I found the opposite - rather than guys putting the effort into any one woman, they used the shotgun approach and would send a generic approach to lots of different woman at once, to try and get an answer. Trust me, you can tell :P I don't quite get the idea that you have less of a chance of a spark with someone you meet online. It's no different than meeting someone elsewhere. Except when you are meet someone at a bar, work, meeting grocery store you have no idea what there status is, if they want to date, if they find you remotely attractive, if they like cats. If its a stranger your only recourse is to try to strike up a conversation with someone out of the blue. Someone who might think you are a creep just for approaching them. Unless you are Channing Tatum. At least when you meet someone through a site you know they have seen your picture and weren't repulsed, they are single and want to date. So you get to skip a bunch of steps which are just a waste of time. Everything else is up to you. It only takes one. Except that online dating sites are a pool of exceptionally bad people, plus really, there's no way to tell if you're going to connect through a computer screen. It might seem as if you'll get along because the profile is humorous and well-written, their photos look cute, they share your lack of religion , but then when it's time to go out, they're boring as all fuck with zero chemistry. It's not that there's anything inherent to online dating that bars chemistry, it's just that you can't tell and end up going on a thousand bad dates. A lot of quantity with terribly quality. I may go on less dates when meeting people the good ol' fashioned way through meatspace, but they're better dates all of the time. I've never gone on a date with a real person I've met face to face and experienced a chemistry vacuum, because if there were no spark, I wouldn't have agreed to go out with him in the first place. As a woman, I found the opposite - rather than guys putting the effort into any one woman, they used the shotgun approach and would send a generic approach to lots of different woman at once, to try and get an answer. Trust me, you can tell :P This is a big part of the issue, and it's a self-feeding cycle. Guys are generally conditioned to be the initiator and, just like in a normal meeting, will probably need to take multiple attempts to get any interest. But now he has a lot easier access to a lot more women. So he can either try to specifically target ones he's really interested in, or basically have a form response and send it to everyone he's even remotely interested in then sift through the ones that give him any sort of response. Sadly, it's a lot easier to just do the shotgun approach, so it's also completely understandable that a woman getting a dozen notes a day, almost all of them unspecific forms can't put a lot of energy into each one because, if it's not specific, why should she think he's particularly interested if he's not willing to put in enough effort to write something specifically to her, then either he's not all that interested or he's doing the shotgun approach and she has no idea how interested he may or may not be. I tried the more specific approach, by trying to pick out two or three things specific to her that had piqued my interest, but the problem is that it's frustrating to know that I'd probably have had a lot more success and less frustration with the shotgun approach, but it felt disingenuous enough to me that I wasn't willing to do it. It seems like the internet dating equivalent of a cheesy pickup line. But you can't blame either men or women for this problem. Men shouldn't be expected to put in that much more effort knowing that most of the emails they send out probably won't even get a response, muchless a rejection. And women shouldn't be expected to respond to the shotgun approach with something more either. It'd be nice if we could get to a point where, in online dating, both men and women would initiate if they were interested, put in at least a little bit of effort, and expect at least a rejection, but that's a full cultural change. The above is a little simplified, of course, but IME that's basically what it comes down to. Funniest story from my BF of 7+ years,who I met on-line. He picked up a first date, and she wanted to run to the store. Nice guy, he said sure. Parked and stayed in the car, so as not to get trapped into buying her groceries. AN HOUR later, she come out with a whole cart load of stuff, and now he needs to take her home, haul it up to her second story apt. Now apparently, she was ready to go out. Luckily for me, he wasn't What a nice guy! I might have booted. Meh, so I guess people who spend a lot of time hanging out on the internet might find online dating to be a better idea than the average person. I hear all these glowing stories about web dating here, yet everyone I know except one who has tried online dating has called it a miserable failure. I quit OK Cupid because the dating pool was so terrible, my friend quit OKC after 6 months, her sister who recently moved here gave up after a week. I know a guy who's been on OKC and Match for well over a year and they've both been failures. I have no idea why he hasn't given up yet, but every single date he's described to me has either been with a woman who wasn't attractive in person, or one who seemed like a match online, but there was no connection when they met. I know one person who met his gf online, but he's the kind of guy who spends way too much time on the internet, so go figure. Yes, I know, these anecdotes aren't data, but it is true that most people are still meeting their partners offline, and I only hear great reviews of online dating sites on the internet. I know a lot of people who have tried online dating, but aside from this message board, success stories have been more or less non-existent. Everyone I know except one guy has reported that it sucks a whole lot. But mileage varies and all of that. Meh, so I guess people who spend a lot of time hanging out on the internet might find online dating to be a better idea than the average person. You know what, though? It worked for 25% of the people you know who tried it. Which is a pretty good number when it comes to any dating.

The rest was up to me. This describes 100% of my OK Cupid experiences, minus the good conversation part. I did look into some dating sites as dating message boards as meet ups, but there are hardly any visually impaired people online as there are no note ups where I am located. Two people are allowed to have a discussion again followed by a real future date if the two responses match. Hope to hear from you soon. I have many good friends, but have never had a relationship of any solo. Plus, I'm an intelligent person.